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Project Management [My diary]

I'm engineer and not Project Manager. I have joined some business project until now. Of course, Project Manager was in all project I joined.

In my point of view, all project mangers in project I joined knew and thought what should be archived by our project and thought what should be done by all project members.
Usually, the project managers didn't do project task by himself and/or herself. They asked project members to do task. That is reasonable because their responsibility is to manage project, project goal and so on.
Sometimes some of project member didn't agree to do task assigned by project manager. The reason was depends on the situation. Sometimes no time. Sometimes, he or she thought the task should be unnecessary.
Anyway, in that case, project manager usually explained respectfully why he or she assigned the task, why he or she thought the task was necessary and why he or she thought the project member is proper person for the task.
My point is I thought project managers understand his or project and project tasks thoroughly.

But, recently, I encountered person in project manager position who doesn't know his project and tasks correctly. He says, "I don't know what customer requests for the project. I don't know why customer requests the task. But, customer requested. That's why the task is to be done."

In my point of view, he isn't right person as project manager because he has no will to manage project, to think project and to understand project. But, he is still in project manager position. I think this is misfortune for him and for all project members including me.
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Anger management [My diary]

Anger management is kinds of self management strategy. I read recently the book about anger management. The reason why I try to study anger management is that I want to know how to behave when I encounter rude and wicked person. Unfortunately, I have such encounter wicked and impolite person under the cover of politeness and I think I can't handle the situation.
I'd like to know how I help myself under the such situation.

Actually, the book about anger management doesn't have silver bullets. I need some training about anger management.
But, I found that I haven't noticed my anger sometimes and sometimes remember the anger later. That's not good in anger management point of view. This notification may be hints for me.
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2019-06-26 [My diary]

Some days ago, a senior business person from partner company said jokingly. "My first contact to you was about 20 years ago. I got yelled by you." I don't remember the contact.

I think he remember the contact correctly because he is trustful person and the scene he told is which I should agree about that I should do so if I was in the scene.
Anyway, I don't remember the scene. His explanation doesn't recall my memory.

But, I can't ignore the expression "got yelled by you". I know I may be more easily angered, I mean more intolerant than colleague around me. But, I don't like to get angry because anger is stressful, boring and tiring for me.

But, I wonder other people including him feel that I like to get angry.
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A boring, stressfull topic [My diary]

This Japanese web page is a advisement column. This column answered to advise request "I'm disappointed in my life with full ups and downs. Sometimes I complain about my life to people around me. But, they usually told me that I'm not only person who suffers tough life."
https://cakes.mu/posts/25974

Answer from editor has some points. One of points is the reason of statement from people around consulter is that consulter's talk about life is boring and stressful so they don't want to hear consulter's talk.
I reached this column from twitter. Many people said this column is valuable and useful on twitter.

I remember a counselor said "everybody don't want to hear your talk" more than 10 years ago. I have negative feeling about his word still now. But, I have to agree my interest usually only focus me negatively and my talk is stressful and boring.
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What is the purpose of conversation? [My diary]

Recently, I had tried communicating my colleague in order to ask work to him.
As result, my communication didn't achieve my objective. More and more I tried explaining his work and my intention, less and less he might understand his work and my intention.

Conversation with him provided me a sense of futility every time even though he usually agreed to me about work. I wasn't sure why I felt so tired.

The reason why I described "my communication didn't achieve objective" is he threw his work because of "stress" as he said. He said "I can't complete my task because I can't understand what I should do" and he took 1 week off.
So, I think my communication didn't achieve my objective because my communication to him didn't keep him work.

I'm not sure what is exact cause which make him throw up work because the reason may be triggered by his feeling I can't see.
I think I have some point to be improved. One of the points is his conversation purpose may be different from mine.
He likes chatting. I felt he tried spinning conversation by means of irrelevant questions. I always answered his question and had to try redirecting our conversation.
I remember conversations with him and concluded that his purpose of conversation is conversation itself. He just enjoyed talking even though my purpose is to make him work.
So, he just enjoyed conversation and forgot understanding his work. And I assume that he found what he should do is work, not chat finally. So, he said "I feel stress about work. I can't understand what I should do".

Whether my assumption is right or not, I think I should take care about what is purpose of conversation when I discuss with other colleague.
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2019-06-02 [My diary]

I have some experience that person whom I didn't have much interest to had interest to me in office.

I think that they had wrong impression to me because they might be lonely and they might feel that my attitude in business may be closer than other person they usually contact in office. As my business policy, I say thank you to person who take effort, time and/or concern to my business and my business asking. In Japan, many people don't say thank you to their colleague. (Of course, I know many person say thank you to their colleague.But, in my point of view, more people don't say thank you to their colleague than people say thank you to colleague.) Lonely people unused to thank you. My thank you may make them misunderstand that I have close feeling to themselves.
Or, they may be lonely and they thought I feel lonely same as them because I usually don't chat to other person and usually I work alone.

Anyway, person, who might have interest to me and whom I didn't have much interest to me seemed to try to become friend of mine. For example, they asked personal question, e.g. food I like, my hobby, school I graduated. Or they tried to chat to me outside of the office.

As result, their try was failed because I don't want business colleague to come closer to my personal life.

I think that my attitude may be overly friendly than appropriate business manner. I should pay attention to my attitude.
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2019-04-30 [My diary]

Japanese era name is changed from "Heisei" to "Reiwa" tomorrow. Today is final day of "Heisei".
Actually, I have less interest about era name change because I use western calendar year usually.

I cooked curry rice for dinner. Curry is kinds of standard and popular dish in Japan.
My brother said when he came home "Oh, I want to eat curry because "Heisei" is finished".
I don't have intention that curry is last dish of "Heisei". But, curry has some meaning for him. I don't know his interest and I don't have any care. But, he joyed. That's good.
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I can, I do and I did. But, so what? [My diary]

Last year, I had bad experience. Project manager frequently interrupted my word and denied my word. He sometimes said "Shut up. Do not speak." when I tried to help meeting speaker who struggled to Project manager's word. I finally became discouraged according to his rude attitude and I asked my boss about my left from his project.

As result of discussion with boss, I continued joining his project. My boss said, "You are necessary person in this project. Project manger thinks so also. He agreed to my word."
I know my boss is trusted person. But I didn't and don't agree about opinion about project manager.

But, the title of this article doesn't mean this disagreeable experience.

Recently, I had feedback meeting with my boss about my last year's work. Actually, my result is bad. I understand my boss rated my score basically my discouraged work style had bad effect to team and project. My boss said, "I know you can and do best work. So, you should do. OK?".
"OK." I answered.

Answer means "I swear". I shall do. Of course.
But, even though I can, my work skill didn't help me from project manager's rude attitude and won't help me.
So, I feel "I can. I did. I do. So, what? I just keep suffering."
I cannot control project manager's rude attitude. So, he keeps rude attitude when I tell my opinion about my work.
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2019-03-10 [My diary]

I sometimes join meeting with english speakers.
Usually, I can't speak good english and I fail to join discussion. English speakers often can't get my point.

I can get good score on english test. But, unfortunately, I can't use my english skill well.

Some days ago, I found that I speak less work than other Japanese person. So, my word misses some important explanation.
I think I should explain my intension carefully.
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2019-02-24 [My diary]

About 5 years ago, I worked in software development project as developer. Unfortunately, and as common case, our project was delayed and needed to improve our development process, style and project organization.

We knew a senior engineer would become sub project manager as project leader's informal decision. Developers including me convinsed this informal decision was reasonable because he helped us always and we knew he has enough career and skill.
This informal decision had one point to be considered. This was one management staff. This staff was in higher rank than the senior engineer. If the senior engineer would become sub project leader, the staff should work according to the senior engineer's direction. This meant, the senior engineer would be in higher rank than the management staff in our project internally in opposite to company organization.
Developers including me also thought this was reasonable becasue he couldn't enough work without other's direction.

Actually, formal decision was different from informal decision. The management staff, not the senior engineer, was ordered as sub project leader. This order came from more upper person then project leader. The upper person thought that it was more important that he kept rank order than our project improvement. And he thouhght the management staff would improve his skill and work if he had chance.
I remember that the senior engineer criticized to the upper person. "No way! He just sits on the desk and do noghing!" But, the upper person didn't change the formal decision.

As result, the sub project learder, former management staff, left project. He didn't and coudn't carry out any work as sub project leader, I say, as expected. Senior engineer and all devlopers felt disappointed about his work as sub project leader. The sub project leader felt disappointed and did nothing less than as management staff.

I wonder the upper person wouldn't forecast this result. We should have focused project improvement at that time. But, his decision wasn't for project improvement. And his decision didn't archive his expected result.
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